56crayons

My wonderful teammate, Ishha Nagrath, asked me to write a guest article for her blog. I did, and I liked it, so I’m sharing it with you here! (And you should take a look at Ishha’s blog if you like mine.)

Never Give Up. Or Not.

Two inventors, two stories.

The first inventor you probably know. His name is Thomas Alva Edison. Greatest among his many inventions shines the light bulb, if you’ll pardon the pun, which we make at Thomas Alva’s expense because by all accounts he was not a very nice man about it.

Regardless of his social skills, the light bulb is a pretty useful invention. I’m willing to bet you have used one at least once today!

You’ve probably also heard the story of his dogged persistence in inventing the light bulb. Try, fail. Try, fail. Over a thousand times until he hit on the winning solution. As a result, we get a wonderful inspirational tale of Never Giving Up. And the lights, those are a pretty cool outcome too.

Okay, but how about Spencer Silver? You probably haven’t heard of him. He was a scientist who was into glue.

It’s not what you’re thinking, especially if you’re a fan of the movie Airplane. Silver was trying to create a super sticky adhesive. Like Edison, he tried, failed. Tried, failed. And instead of creating the next Super Glue, he created… well, kind of a Wimpy Glue. It was sticky… a little.

Ah ha, now you know the guy I’m talking about, right? He failed at making the Super Sticky Glue, but succeeded in making another product altogether. Which some might argue are a mild success. And as a result, we get a wonderful inspirational tale of Giving Up. And the yellow stickies are a pretty cool outcome too.

So which is it?

Should we Give Up?

Or should we Never Give Up?

The answer is not “it depends.”

The answer is simple.

You never, ever, ever, ever, ever give up on your story.

What’s your story? It’s what your life is all about. It’s your mission, it’s your vision, it’s your goals, it’s your passion. It’s what you want people saying about you at your retirement party.

Don’t ever give up on that.

But as you go about bringing your story to life, some things might not work. You might try something, thinking it’s going to get you closer to your vision, and not get the results. You might find yourself further away from your vision when you’re done.

And if that’s the case, bag it. Immediately. Try something else. Don’t let anybody tell you otherwise.

But keep your eye on your story.

Edison never gave up, because his story was all about bringing light into people’s homes without them having to light gas lamps and stuff. A thousand tries. Try it again.

Silver’s story was a bit different. His story was about bringing useful products to people. And when his method wasn’t working, he shifted it. He learned that people not only wanted super-sticky glue, they wanted little pieces of paper with kind-of sticky glue that they could move around. He kept his eye on his story.

The trick is, of course, to know what your story is. But that’s a whole ‘nother book.

And today, my Accenture colleagues, and my other friends with whom I meet electronically or face-to-face, I make this resolution.

I will not multitask while I am meeting with you. I will stay ruthlessly engaged, in the moment, and present while we are meeting.

I’ll probably write more about this later. But for now… who’s with me?

As I’ve talked about stories, and the idea of making a great story out of your life, I’ve* defined a story as:

A character who wants something and has to overcome conflict to get it.

The more I talk about it though, I think the word “conflict” doesn’t work in this context. People often push back on that definition, thinking it has to be about interpersonal conflict.

In other words, we have conflict over “conflict.”

The conflict here does not need to be interpersonal conflict, although it often is, especially for someone like me who doesn’t particularly like conflict. I think a better word is “challenges.” A challenge is something that is difficult, that takes effort and energy. Something that is… well, challenging. A story about someone who wants something and gets it without any challenge is really boring.

One of the benefits of changing “conflict” to “challenges” is that it opens the door to involve other people in overcoming your challenges. “Conflict” sounds so isolated, don’t you think? Lone wolfish.

And while a “Lone Wolf” story can be interesting (see Rambo), a “Get By With a Little Help From My Friends” story is even more engaging (see Star Wars, Act III, verse 42: “You’re all clear, kid, now let’s blow this thing and go home!”).

All this to say, my tendency in the story of my own life has been to go Lone Wolf. I now realize that philosophy is not very helpful or fulfilling.

Last time I lost a bunch of weight, I did it all by myself. And then, when I put half of it back on, I did it all by myself as well. This time, I had a lot of support. I had the folks at MedFitness, I had my family and my friends, and I had a coach for accountability. It was a group effort. And this is the same community that will help me avoid putting half of it back on again. They’ll encourage me, they’ll push me, and they’ll support me in maintaining the new habits.

This story is much more interesting. Much more effective. Much more rewarding.

So from now on, a story is about a character who wants something, and has to overcome challenges to get it. Let’s tackle those challenges… together.

*Well, I HAVE defined it that way, but it comes from my friend Don Miller, with whom I do not wish to engage in interpersonal conflict over attribution. Not that he would anyway.

Earlier this year I wrote quite a bit about my New Year’s Resolutions. They were:

• Go For It 100%
• Get Back in Shape
• Pin More

Now that we’re about a third of the way through 2013, how am I doing?

Well, let’s start with the mea culpa. Pinning more? Not so much. Technically, I have succeeded at this, since my pinning has increased infinitely. But when that escalation is from zero to two, a total of two pins on Pinterest, you can’t quite say I’ve gone for it 100%.

Where I did go for it 100% is in getting back in shape. I’m back in shape. I’m at my Star Wars Episode III weight, which is my junior year in high school weight. I’m a lean, mean, fighting machine.

I lost a total of 40 pounds since January 2. And before you ask, it wasn’t muscle weight I lost, because I haven’t altered my weightlifting regimen at all.

What was the secret? First off, competition. As I wrote earlier, I joined a Weight Loss Boot Camp at the place that I workout. It was a Biggest Loser style competition, with a first prize of $500. I committed to winning it, and I went for that 100%. Well, actually… I went for it 90%. I thought I could win the whole thing with the “light” (i.e., less expensive) version of the food plan. And while I did lose the most percentage of body weight during the competition, I wound up coming in second place overall due to that decision. That’s cool, though… second prize was $200 credit toward the food plan, which has come in handy.

Besides that, I know in my heart that I really won.

The second secret was the plan itself. If you live in the Tri-Cities and want to get in shape, go talk to Richard and Joanne at MedFitness. The combination of the HMR food plan and their slow strength training regimen was key. Throw in my six-times-a-week cardio workouts, and you’re good to go.

Finally, the third secret was getting support from others. But I’ll write more about that in my next installment.

My college roommate pinged me the other day and asked me where the next installment of “56 Candles” was. I figured if he couldn’t even remember the name correctly, I had best craft a swift reply.

That reply is “Today,” after spending some time yesterday jotting down some notes of what I wanted to talk about over the coming days. If you’re blogging, by the way, it’s a great tip to keep a running log of topic ideas. That way, when you sit down to write, you can just scan your list for something that’s appealing, as opposed to beating your forehead with writer’s block, and deciding it might just be easier to watch Sunday’s episode of Mad Men.

Which was a good one, by the way.

That said, I’m not even to talk about what was on the top of my list. I want to talk about the bombs at the Boston Marathon.

My experience with this event was not typical. Not for me, anyway. Usually, when tragedies like this occur, I have a certain amount of empathy for the people going through them. I feel sad for them, or a little scared, but there’s still a bit of a distance between us. It’s not like I know any of those people, you know. It doesn’t touch me directly.

Last week in Boston was different. I have a friend who was running the race, and I learned about the bombs when I went to the web to check on her finishing time. She runs Boston every year, and since she’s an elite runner, she’s usually a strong contender to win her age group. Checking on her results is an annual ritual for me. So I was sitting in a meeting, and the meeting was getting a bit dull, so I checked. And I found out there were bombs.

And this time it was different, because I thought, “Is Nancy okay?”

She was. But I didn’t know that for a couple of hours, and I was pretty stressed. Texting mutual friends, trying to find out. I felt anxious. Finally, I got an email from one of her co-workers that she was okay. Big sigh of relief. But then, on the drive home, listening to the news on the radio and hearing about the injured people, especially the kids… that was hard.

I definitely felt more connected to those people. More empathetic. It could have been worse for my friend, and it could have been worse for me. But for these people, it was worse.

And yes, I’ve had my share of personal tragedy. I have been one of those people who has received an outpouring of love and assistance when life has become surprisingly, unspeakably tragic. I walked out of that experience with heightened empathy and connection to others. I could prove it, even… my Myers-Briggs scores changed!

But that empathy, left unflexed, can atrophy. Just like muscles. I need to exercise my empathy every once in a while. I need to dive into other people’s stories and feel them.

How about you?

Nancy came in second in her division, by the way. She was just interviewed about her experience; you can watch it here and hear her story firsthand.

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “It’s been weeks since they announced Disney’s acquisition of Lucasfilm, and subsequent greenlighting of Star Wars Episode VII, and Bob hasn’t weighed in on that yet.”

Have no fear.

I could probably write about it for days, but I’ll spare you (for now). Today, I want to tell you about a video I saw on Friday. (I wish I could link you, but it was a bit of a bootleg.)

In this video, screenwriter Michael Arndt gave a lecture about story structure to the gang at Pixar. Now, Michael Arndt is not exactly a household name, but he’s the guy who wrote the amazing Little Miss Sunshine and the even more amazing Toy Story 3.

One of the key elements of Arndt’s discussion was the idea of stakes. Specifically, to make a story really work, the character has to want something that has high stakes. Stakes that an audience believe are worth overcoming conflict for. Stakes they can relate to.

And those stakes operate at three levels. There are the obvious external stakes. What does the character specifically want? Then there are the internal stakes. How will that change them as a person if they get it? And finally, the philosophical stakes. How will that change the world around them if they get it?

He specifically used Star Wars as an example. In the first movie (we called it Star Wars when I was a kid, and we liked it! But now it’s officially called Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope), the stakes looked like this:

• External stakes: Will Luke destroy the Death Star and save the Rebellion?
• Internal stakes: Will Luke become all that he can be… that is, a Jedi Knight?
• Philosophical stakes: Will good triumph over evil?

When it all comes together, and the answer to all three is yes, you have a good story. Which leads to the question… what are the stakes in the story you are telling with your life?

You think about that while I answer the original question. What do I think about the new Star Wars?

Well, guess who’s writing Episode VII? Yep… Michael Arndt. A guy who gets it.

Our story is in good hands.

I have been reading Charles Duhigg’s excellent book, The Power of Habit. In his book, Duhigg analyzes how habits hardwire the brain to create behaviors. It’s something we all know… usually for the wrong reasons. For me, bad habits seem to creep in easily… and it seems to take a long time to break them and replace them with good ones.

Well, now, that’s the story I’ve been telling myself for years. It’s a convenient excuse.

But the science behind it is not so judgmental. I don’t believe that your brain really cares whether the habit is good for you or bad for you. If you can create the habit loop of triggering a cue, engaging in a routine, and receiving a reward, all to satisfy a craving or hunger (and I’m not talking about food here, although that tends to be where my habits are focused)… you will lock that habit into your brain. You’ll be able to put it on autopilot.

So I decided to experiment with this for my weight loss boot camp.

As I got started, I realized I needed to up my amount of cardio exercise. I didn’t have terrible exercise habits going into this, but they weren’t everything they could be. I had some mistaken beliefs that I couldn’t do a cardio workout and a strength workout on the same day, and that I couldn’t do cardio two days in a row. I needed to drop those mistaken beliefs and push myself for more. I needed to change my habits around cardio.

My goal was to get cardio at least six days a week. I knew the cue to exercise… it was the moment I got home from work. I knew the routine… I was either going to go for a run or get in a taekwondo workout. What I needed was a reward to close, and reinforce, the habit loop.

I chose root beer.

I started drinking a Diet Barq’s right when I got back from working out. It felt silly, but I was doing a science experiment, so I went through with it. Surprisingly enough, after just about three or four iterations of this, I found myself looking forward to that root beer before I got home from work. My brain knew that if I pushed myself to workout, no matter how tired or demotivated I was, I’d get that root beer. It gave me that added boost to get to the gym.

And now daily cardio has become a habit.

Underneath the habit loop, Duhigg writes, you need to be satisfying an underlying hunger. Am I passionately hungry (or thirsty) for root beer? Not really. But I do crave sweets, and on a deeper level I crave treating myself.

On an even deeper level, I crave the feeling of satisfaction and accomplishment from getting the workout done. That’s really the core of my habit loop. But if it took a case of Diet Barq’s to set the habit cycle in motion, there’s nothing wrong with that.

It’s only been three weeks, but the habit is feeling locked in and I’m seeing results. I am winning my boot camp, thank you very much, although one dude is right on my heels pushing me not to slack off. But I’m not worried about it, now having habit on my side.

It’s been a while since I’ve directed anything theatrically. I used to do this fairly regularly. One of my shortcomings as a director, though, was in giving adequate appreciation to my actors. I would give them direction (I was the director, after all) when they needed it, but if they did what I wanted them to, I typically wouldn’t say anything. I’d let the scene continue unfolding. At the end, I’d tell them it was good.

But I got feedback from my actors that they wanted more. They wanted to know when they had done something well, right then, in the moment. And a lot of the drive behind that is that they wanted to feel appreciated.

For myself, I know that when I feel appreciated, it fuels my tank. A pat on the back or an “attaboy” from a senior leader can inspire me and motivate me for days. When I’m staring at a conflict that’s keeping me from my vision, a word of appreciation reminds me that I am capable of overcoming that conflict. I’ve done it before, and I will do it again.

All this to say that I feel very appreciated this morning. So to the senior leaders who made that happen… thanks! I really appreciate it.

On the morning of May 25, 2004, I sat down on the couch in my family room with my cup of coffee, and made a mental shift that changed my life.

The thought process went like this.

1.    Star Wars Episode III will be released a year from today (it actually came out on May 19, 2005, but no biggie; it wasn’t that great anyway).

2.    Five years ago, I went to Southern California to see Star Wars Episode I with my friend Jeff. And at that time, in 1999, I was in the best shape of my life.

3.    Right now, I’m in the worse shape of my life. I have let myself go, and am now closing in on 300 pounds.

4.    A year from today, I will be back in Southern California for the opening of the Episode III.

5.    Wouldn’t it be awesome if, a year from now, I was at my goal weight for Episode III?

Rght then and there, I committed to make it happen. And I succeeded. In April of 2005, I reached my goal weight of 195 pounds. I went to Hollywood feeling strong, confident, and healthy.i

In the nine years since then… well, you know, life happens. Life goes up and down, and we all have our drugs of choice to deal with stress. Mine happens to be food.

So my weight has crept back up. I’m not even close to my max weight in 2004, but I’m not comfortable, either. It is time to get this back under control.

On January 1 of this year, I started a two month Weight Loss Boot Camp at my fitness center. There is a $500 grand prize, which I will win. I’m eating healthy and exercising more, and I’m already feeling better.

I also realize that to make substantial change, I need to look at my habits around eating. I had great eating habits in 2004. But in the years since, I fell back into my old habits. Why was that so easy to do? And how will I prevent that in the future?

Because Star Wars Episode VII is coming out in 2005. And I need to be ready.

I want to spend some time talking about my new year’s resolutions, and how they’re going to help me tell a better story with my life. But it’s Friday and I’m a little sluggish, so I don’t feel like getting into the deeper ones.

Therefore, here’s a light resolution. I want to use Pinterest more.

There’s really no reason I shouldn’t be using it. I mean, seriously… it’s a great idea! Find something you like on the web, save it off, and let other people see what you’re finding. See what other people are finding. And do it all visually, which I like.

Fact is, I don’t do it because conventional wisdom is that dudes don’t pin. I don’t have any solid research to back this up, but the word on the street is that Pinterest is the domain of women, women’s interests, and women’s issues. And therefore, if you’re a guy, stay away.

This is, of course, rather lame.

So I’ll be pinning more this year… and I invite you to do the same. Especially if you’re male.